Recipe from Jenny's Grandma Knobe

Grandma Theresa's recipe for "How to Preserve a Husband"
First use care and get one.
Do not choose too young, too old, spoiled, too green or too fresh.
Make your selection carefully and let it be final, otherwise they will not keep.
Like wine, they improve with age.
Do not pickle or put in hot water. This only makes them sour, hard and bitter.
All varieties can be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing them with Patience,
sweetened with Love and seasoned with Kisses.
Wrap them in a mantle of charity.
Keep warm in a steady flame of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream.
The poorest varieties may be improved by this process, and kept for years in any climate.